The latest glossy magazines
arriving at our home are filled with ideas about decorating and cooking for the
upcoming Thanksgiving dinner. Elegant table settings are featured with a noticeable
absence of people at the table so as not to disturb the ambiance. Suggestions
are offered to host and hostesses about how to have just the right look for the
table setting. The table decor is even broken down into categories and themes so
that just the right atmosphere is created. Every time I see these pictures I
wonder if they ever envision any children sitting at the table. Perhaps they
have made the assumption that children will be relegated to a folding table
safely separated from the adult’s table. Perhaps it is wise to station the
children’s table at a distance of at least four feet or whatever is necessary
to avoid a glob of gravy covered mashed potatoes launched from their table.
However, if they are assuming that children will be at these elaborate tables, what
kind of children are they expecting? Are they hoping some agency will provide
child “doubles” to sit at their holiday tables looking good and manifesting
manners beyond their years? Somehow the ornate table arrangements gracing the
covers of these magazines never seem to fit the scene at our family’s
Thanksgiving table. Mind you we are a step above what may have occurred at a
Viking’s banquet table. But I think we hold the record for major spills at a
table before anyone is seated!
As a child I remember two aunts and their
two very different holiday tables. Keep in mind both of these dear ladies were
outstanding Irish cooks. They both believed in providing abundant amounts of
mouthwatering delectable options. They could even make green vegetables and
assorted squashes appealing to the most discriminating child’s palette.
However, one aunt’s dinners always stood out to me. Her table would never make
the cover of one of the glossy magazines. She provided all that was necessary
but never focused upon the frills. Her decorating approach was rather
utilitarian – what was on a plate was to be eaten not looked at. She thought candles
only took up space on the table where another bowl of goodies could reside. Therefore
candles never appeared at the table unless it was on the top of a cake to
commemorate a recent or coming birthday. The plates, flatware, and glasses did
not all match, but were all clean and functional. With three rambunctious boys
in her house, it was a wonder that any glasses and plates had survived! This is
what I remember most about the day at her table. When we arrived, all she was
doing was dropped, hands were wiped on her stained white apron, her arms
wrapped around me in a bear hug, and her arthritic hands ruffled my hair. Her
laughter made me laugh for no reason at all. Honestly, after such a reception,
what was on the table was even more delicious because she made it.
My other aunt’s holiday table was very
different. Walking into her house you were greeted with smells that immediately
engaged the salivary glands. My uncle would greet us and take our coats and
seat us in the living room that looked into the dining room. I could spy the
table. Candles were lit. The Irish bone china was at each place setting along with
the crystal stemware. Silverware surrounded the place settings and I sat in the
living room trying to recall which fork and spoon I was to use first and when.
A Thanksgiving bouquet was in the middle of the table. It was gorgeous – in
fact it now reminds me of some of those glossy magazine covers. I could hear my
aunt in the kitchen, and I think I could hear her say, “Hello.” But I knew
better that to walk into her kitchen and get in the way. She had a Thanksgiving
meal on her mind and bustled about as a woman on a mission. Honestly, her meals
were absolutely delicious too. Somehow the impression of the visit was one of
appreciation and less of affection.
The Bible records Jesus impression of a
dinner where he was an honored guest. In Luke 10:38-42 we read of the two
sisters that prepared the meal, Mary and Martha. Martha was a woman on a
mission – she had a meal to prepare and that was no small task in days lacking
basic cooking conveniences and where everything was made from scratch. Mary was
also on a mission – she had a person to focus on who was normally surrounded by
a crush of people keeping him distant from her. But now she had the privilege
of being close to him, sitting at his feet, and listening to teaching that was
so different from that which she would hear from other rabbis. Mary’s mission
annoyed Martha. The tension became so intense that Martha asked Jesus to
intervene and demand that Mary “get with the mission” of serving a meal and lay
aside doing nothing but hanging around with Jesus. Instead of intervening,
Jesus commended Mary for her mission of being with him and listening to his
teachings – teaching which had the capacity of changing her life.
Jesus made it clear, Martha’s meal
distracted her from what was important. Jesus concluded that her mission
resulted in her “being anxious and troubled about many things.” Mary on the
other hand honored Jesus by paying undivided attention to him and the things he
had to share about life. Jesus said, “Mary has chosen the good portion.”
Sometimes our doing can keep us from what is most important, focusing on and
enjoying people.
I deeply loved my two aunts. They taught
me a lesson about life as they lovingly served their Thanksgiving extravaganza.
The meal is not nearly as important as the people who come to the meal. You can
prepare a dinner that is fit to make the cover of a glossy magazine and it will
be appreciated by your guests. A better alternative is to prepare a dinner that
will be more than a meal. It will be a memory. That happens when our main focus
is upon the people who have joined us for our special celebrations.
