Here Comes Mother’s and Father’s Day

Children, heads-up, Mother’s Day is May 14. Closely following is Father’s Day a month later on June 18. I prefer not to assume, “Best is first,” and rather think, “Ladies first!” Then again, since Father’s Day was made official in 1972 – 58 years after President Woodrow Wilson made Mother’s Day official – one may wonder if there is some sort of preferential treatment of mothers! Whatever spin you put on the dating of events, it is noteworthy that someone saw fit to single out a date to honor these individuals who are important in our lives. Parents are important!

     But does everyone see this truth as valid? An uproar ensued in November 2022 when The National Educators Association tweeted, “Educators love their students and know better than anyone what they need to learn and to thrive” (twitter.com/NEAToday/status). Giving the tweet the benefit of the doubt, the implications of the statement were at least not well thought out. Afterall, who has not said or written something rather carelessly? Perhaps parents reacted less than positively because they may feel marginalized in the rhetoric of current culture. Parents are essential in the lifelong learning of their children. Study after study emphasizes the benefits of parental influence as well as the detriment in a child’s life when that influence is missing. I have learned much from the highly committed teachers that impacted my life. In some ways I learned even more from my parents who were able to teach by both life and lip many other things I needed to navigate and problem-solve in a chaotic world.

     There are many ways that parents can teach and impact a child’s life. Perhaps several analogies may illustrate the ways a parent may influence one’s child – a car carrier, a guard rail, or a tow truck. When a child begins their journey in life, they make few decisions. They are on a “car carrier” taken from place to place without being asked their opinions or given options. Parents are super engaged in the child’s life and decision making in this stage.

     As a child grows the parents take on another role. Perhaps we could say they become “guard rails.” The child develops more independence on the “road of life.” The parent places well placed guardrails to keep a child from drifting off course, protecting them from danger, and helping them discern direction by their own observation. The child still has limitations, but now they realize there are consequences when traveling through life if you ignore the “guardrail’s guidance” – i.e., a scratch, a dented fender, or worse. Here the parent is still engaged in a child’s life and giving guidance as decisions are being made. Life is now being lived while experiencing elements of freedom as they live in a dangerous world that could seriously damage them if they do not use their freedom wisely. Parents can live life with their children and the child sees how the parent manages or mismanages life. Have you ever observed a mangled guardrail? They teach a life lesson even if it is simply, “One needs to be careful when navigating through this part of life.”

     One thing a parent does not want to become to their children is a “tow truck.” Some parents think a child learns best by unbridled experience. The child is cut loose and then the parent follows at a distance to service the breakdown of a mismanaged life. Even worse, sometimes they are called to clean up the wreck occurring through unwise decisions, leading to misguided actions, and producing tragic consequences. Parent’s strategic engagement is important in a child’s life that extends well beyond formal educational environments. Life on life is an essential element that must be provided by healthy and helpful parental engagement for a child’s wholesome development.

     In 1 Samuel 2:12 ff there is a sad picture of a parent, Eli, who failed in his role. He knew his role. As a priest he had the Law that defined his parental duties i.e., Deuteronomy 6:6-9. But he was living in a time when culturally “all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes” (Judges 21:25). It seems that Eli parented like his culture operated. The result was that his two sons “were corrupt” (1 Sam. 2:12). Their father became a “tow truck” to clean up their messes. How did they get like this? First, no instruction in spiritual things – “they did not know the Lord.” Second, Eli provided no “guardrails” in his sons’ lives. He allowed his sons to live like the lawless culture around them. He heard “his sons made themselves vile” and “did not restrain them” (3:13). Lastly, Eli modeled that he did not honor the Lord. He “honored his sons more” than he honored the Lord (2:29). His failure to lovingly restrain his sons cost Eli and his sons their lives.

     It is true you do not carry children all their lives. It is equally true that as children are given more personal responsibility a parent must provide guardrails for their lives. Neglecting to do these things is parental negligence. Children failing to heed these things are foolish.

     As you approach these special days when parents are acknowledged, children thank God for the parents he gave you – good or bad they are teaching or have taught you something. As parents, evaluate the kind of parent you are and ask God to enable you to be even more effective in your divine calling.

     Again, happy Mother’s Day and Father’s Day… or vise versa. You decide why the order was chosen!