Remembering Mom at Thanksgiving

Two weeks before Thanksgiving 1969, my mother suddenly died due a massive stoke and subsequent heart attack. My Dad and I were in shocked disbelief. No warning prepared us for her death. Indeed, no warning would have done so. The days following the funeral found us going through our days like emotional zombies. Life was confusing. Emotionally we felt as cold and gloomy as the cold steel gray skies of November. Mom was without a doubt the keeper and the catalyst of joy in our home. Her absence left a void in our lives that transformed the home where we lived into just a house to which we came in the evening to pass away the night. With each new day there was an anticipation that things had to get better. There was even a vague hope this would be the day we were going to awaken from a bad dream. The new day, however, brought us more of the same. I moved home from college and became a commuter while trying to help my Dad with the household responsibilities. I was an inadequate replacement for my Mom’s knowledge and abilities. Yet my meager knowledge of the household operations was more than my Dad had. His world and his life revolved around his occupation. Now he was cast adrift in a world he did not know and frankly had little emotional energy to try and understand.

I was in my senior year of college and looking forward to marriage in the coming June. It should have been a time of excited plans and emotional joy. Now I anticipated a wedding my mother would never see. I focused upon meaningless issues like who would stand beside my Dad for wedding pictures? Who would host the bridal shower for my side of the family? Meaningless questions swirled in a confused mind where expectations were colliding with reality. Mom was not here and even things at a wedding months away would be different. How egocentric grief can become.          

As the Thanksgiving holiday loomed, Dad declared he didn’t feel like celebrating with a bunch of people. Now I was torn between caring for my Dad and spending time with my fiancée’s family as planned and promised. The weekend before the holiday my Dad was coerced into spend Thanksgiving Day with his sister. He grudgingly agreed and I guiltily made the trip from suburban Philadelphia to be with my fiancée’s family. A freak snow storm extended my stay in Lancaster for a day only heaping an extra measure of emotional guilt upon my shoulders. Any other time an extra day with the one I loved would have been a wonderful windfall.

The next gauntlet to face was Christmas. The foreboding thoughts began as soon as the last leftover turkey was tucked away in the Tupperware containers. The day after Thanksgiving meant a 1 ½ hour ride home and more time to think. I did not much feel like listening to songs about Frosty the Snowman or phrases about “peace on earth.” For Dad and me this was not a season of peace, it was a season of anxiety attached to an unknown future. Then I passed some familiar sites. The stand where Mom carefully selected our Christmas tree. A shopping center were Mom spent endless hours scouting out just the right gifts for family and friends. Our church where we celebrated the birth of Jesus Christ who came to make it possible to have eternal life and have a home in heaven. The thought, “Have a home in heaven,” echoed again in my mind. Then it came to me. While dad and I were consumed with our grief, Mom was joyously enjoying her home in heaven. Could I somehow enter into her joy?

That thought began to adjust some of my thinking as I went through the grieving process. I still missed Mom deeply. However, I began to challenge my grief with the hope that Christ made possible at Christmas. He came so that we could “have life, and have it more abundantly” (John 10:10). Jesus said previously in the verse that the thief, probably alluding to the Devil, “comes only to steal and kill.” The one who died for me, Jesus Christ, wants me to enjoy an abundant life and fullness of joy (John 15:11). Why then should I allow myself to “sorrow as others who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). Such thinking only allows the “thief to come in and steal” what Christ came to offer to people as the angels announced, “Peace on earth, good will toward men” (Luke 2:14).        

On December 1, 1969, I set up a Christmas tree. It was probably the ugliest Christmas tree that was ever in our house. Picking trees was Mom’s expertise! The tree reminded me not only of Mom’s joy at Christmas, but also the joy she was enjoying in heaven right then. Suffering can easily steal our joy on earth, unless we focus upon the gift of eternal life that can never be taken away (Romans 6:23). Christ offers that to us and those who also have accepted Him by faith. That first Thanksgiving and Christmas were tough without Mom. My sorrow was tempered, however, by hope.           

Decades later at Thanksgiving, I still miss Mom. My thinking however has been transformed by hope. I thank God for every remembrance of her, and rejoice that she has all these years been enjoying her home in heaven and will for all eternity. Now at Thanksgiving I remember Mom with gratitude as God’s gift to our family and her friends and I give thanks. Then in amazement I recall, she is but one of the manifold blessings from God. “Praise God from whom all blessings flow.                   

Grandparent's Camp

Each year we try and arrange a week to have our three New York “north country” grandchildren visit us for an extended stay. Because they live six-and-a-half hours away by car, our visits with them are limited. So we look at these days as a strategic time for us to get to know them and for them to get to know us. What we learn about a person in a short burst of time is but a mere sketch of the person. It takes time to develop a portrait that more fully reflects an individual. One thing that my wife and I feel is important is to use this time to allow our grandchildren to know something about our faith as it is lived out in deeds as well as declarations. It is one thing to talk on the phone and hear about our faith. It is quite another thing to see how that faith works in day to day activities spanning the mundane to the significant. We take seriously the words of the Psalmist, “One generation shall praise your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts” (145:4).

The grandchildren refer to this time as “Grandparents Camp.” Their agenda is, I am sure, far different than ours. Our middle granddaughter summarized her view of the days saying, “This is time for you to spoil us.” This being interpreted means, special treats, lots of attention, and a good measure of leniency. Needless to say, grandchildren are “grandparent wise!” Her summary is probably not far from reality even if we try and strongly deny it! So the days before the “camp” the kitchen is filled with the aroma of baked cookies and other special treats. A trip is made to the store to purchase favorite cereal – three different kinds, to meet the expectations of three different sets of discriminating taste buds. There is a foray into the craft store which yields a project to occupy busy hands and to assure that there will be a creative creation to take home at the end of the time as a reminder of their visit. Connected to all of this is an intense investigation into potential day trips to expose three inquisitive minds to the wonders of “grandparent-land” in greater Lancaster County and surrounding regions.

            This year the schedule that worked best for our families was during the Fall Fair season. My Lancaster County wife was ecstatic as she saw this as a wonderful opportunity to expose her grandchildren to her childhood highlight – the Lancaster County fairs. My wife loves the animals, the vendors with their free stuff, the craft displays, and the farm and country atmosphere. However, when speaking of the fair a special smile appears on her face as she speak of “fair food” – nothing better in her mind than “fair fries.” After the second fair, it became obvious to me that her fair-fries-gene had been successfully passed on to the three grandkids from the “north country.”

            There was another thing that was important for us to pass along to those three youngsters at “Grandparent Camp.” We wanted them to know they were not only loved by us, but also deeply loved by God. Now this is not a new message to them. Their parents have been faithfully teaching them about God’s love as seen in Christ’s sacrifice for them on the cross (John 3:16). However, it is good for them to hear that same truth coming out of the lips of someone else that they know and love. In the evenings after a long day of adventure, laughter, and of course delicious treats, we slowed down with some games, reading books they chose, and then made time for talking. It was in those talks we revealed the “mighty acts” of God we had seen in our lives. The time was not a formal class of instruction. It was the type of teaching described in Deuteronomy done “when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (6:7). It is wonderful to be able to tell three little people that you deeply love that there is someone else you deeply love and his name is Jesus.

            Grandparent Camp is not just a time where grandkids learn lessons. It is also a time when grandparents learn lessons. There were two lessons that stood out to me as I watched those three youngsters during their extended stay. First, when removed from your normal place and pace of life, enjoy where you are. Their world in upstate New York is rural. They live on a farm and have vast areas where they can play. With us they were in a retirement community in an area that to them would be congested with people. They did not spend their time whining about the differences, but enjoyed the new opportunities where they found themselves. How often do I miss the joy and adventure of where I am because I am too busy comparing where I am with where I was?

            Second, when faced with an opportunity, I need to embrace the opportunity by faith. This is something that Jesus taught when he said, “Whosoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it” (Mark 10:15). My grandchildren had no idea where our daily adventure was going to take them. They simply got in the car with us, and trusted that we had their best interests at heart. How often do I overthink opportunities and think about the drawbacks and dangers that might be attached to an event rather than consider that this may be a wonderful opportunity to experience and learn new things? Am I willing to join in the journey God has for me believing that He has my best interests at heart?

            Grandparent camp has ended for another year. Will there be one next year? I have no idea. However, I will assure you, this was a worthwhile time. Memories I trust were created. Lessons perhaps were planted. But most of all love was expressed. Put all the elements of Grandparents Camp together and then borrowing the words of Master Card, “Priceless!”          

Change Is in the Air

In this season when one hears the expression, “There is a change in the air,” thoughts almost immediately turn to the changing of the seasons. The air becomes a bit cooler in the evening. The leaves begin their colorful blushing transforming them from a productive food factory to a collection of discarded dried leaves raked into piles for mulching. The pace often changes, too. In some cases the commotion of summer assumes a new rhythm. Vacations wind down and other pursuits resume in life’s agendas. The sports focus begins to change as well from the gentile game of baseball to the bruising tackles of football. Even the appetites reflect a change as cooling treats of iced drinks and refreshing frozen desserts are moving toward a different menu featuring mulled cider, pumpkin treats, and other goodies of the “warmer variety.”

However, I am not thinking of seasonal changes that are rather fleeting. I am thinking about life changes that mark a new chapter in one’s existence. Our western culture is in the midst of Titanic changes that are remodeling the way people think and act in life. Depending upon your world view, these changes reflect a moral cancer or a welcomed shift that has been needed for years. In view of the fruit of the change and the dehumanizing of the culture, I’d be more inclined to see the shift more as a bane than a blessing. The western world is not becoming a better place in which to thrive as God has intended. It has become a place where vast majorities of people have shifted into a survival mode. When the fruit of change is social dysfunction, a cynical and critical outlook, and an emotional paralysis, it would seem that the change is questionable at best and needs at least to be critically evaluated. People, it seems, are ready to hunker down and hold on to life for all they are worth. Instead they should enjoy the world which God has made for them, see His handiwork, and bring glory to the Creator of it all.

Recently I was in a place where there was definitely a “change in the air.” While speaking at a Bible Conference at America’s Keswick, I encountered men and women who were in the midst of change. Associated with this conference ministry, which is tucked into the pine barrens of southern New Jersey, is a ministry called the Colony of Mercy. Their biblical approach to change has transformed men enslaved by various addictions. Often these individuals have wanted to change for years and had sought out treatment through various social agencies to no avail. However, when they came to Keswick they discovered that their lives could be changed and the addictions that held them could be broken. Before I spoke, men testified of the change that had taken place in them because of the transformation that occurred because Christ had worked in their broken lives. On several occasions I was so moved I felt like saying, “We just heard what the Word of God and the power of Jesus can do. Nothing more needs to be said. Let’s pray and ask God to do the same work in our lives.”

The change in the air at Keswick was taking place from the inside out. The words of the Apostle Paul kept coming to mind as I heard these men describe how they had become new men – some of them after enduring decades of addictions and experiencing unproductive treatments. Paul wrote, “If any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). These word were penned by a man who knew all about being addicted to sin. He testified he was religious, zealous, and fighting against God’s ways and will (see Acts 22:3-21; 26:2-22). In those same testimonies he also related how he had met Jesus Christ and became a new man from the inside out.

           This is how real lasting change occurs. One man told his story at Keswick. Before he spoke he read a passage relating to the words of Jesus about change that does not transform. Jesus taught in Matthew 12:43-45 that a temporary fix can actually make things worse. Then he said something like this, “I kept trying to get my addiction out of my life, but I did not replace it with what I really needed.” Talking to him later, I discovered he now has Jesus in his life and as he put it, “I am not just reformed. I am reborn with a new life.” That is how lasting change occurs, from the inside out. An old preacher once said, “To keep a pig out of the mud puddles you need to do more than clean him up, put perfume on him, and a bow around his neck. With all of that he will still head to the mud puddle as soon as he can. To change a pig so he says out of mud puddles you need to change his nature.” 
           The change in the air that I saw at Keswick is one that is astounding in human terms. However, change can take place in places other than in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. They may occur wherever a person responds to the grace of God and allows Jesus to make a change from the inside out. 

A Lasting Influence?

             Traveling this summer to the top of Hensley Mountain in the region of Yaak, MT, we traversed over switchback trails that meander through forests of Ponderosa and Lodgepole pine. Toward the top of the mountain clusters of Balsam pines dot the landscape just before our four-wheelers topped the almost flat ridge. At the top of Hensley we took in the breathtaking vistas looking toward the mountains of Canada to the north and Idaho to the west. Dark valleys connected the mountains and the Yaak River twists and turns through the valley below until it is hidden by mountains in the distance. God’s creation is majestic!

            This now barren mountain top was once heavily influenced by the US Air force from 1951-1960. On this site the 680^th AC&W (Aircraft Control and Warning) Squadron maintained radar surveillance providing early detection of potential enemy bombers during the “Cold War” period. In its heyday between 200-300 airmen, living five miles from the mountain peak, supported the Radome Operation on Hensley Mountain. The “white mushroom” radar dome has disappeared as well as the various outbuildings located on the mountain top. One of the former airmen who served there, Richard Hofler, revisited Hensley Mountain in 1992, and wrote, “There was virtually no indication we, the 680^th, had ever been there.” They had influenced a mountain for a moment in time, but it had not been a lasting influence.

            This summer I walked around the top of Hensley and saw very few remaining remnants of the 680^th Squadron – just several concrete pilings imbedded with massive anchor bolts. No other reminders existed. Probably millions of dollars, thousands of hours, lots of manpower, and major planning had been invested in the project on the mountain. However, the former airman was right, there was virtually no indication “that they had ever been there.”  They were just a temporary intrusion on a mountain that had and would last for centuries.

            Perhaps this picture of the 680^th Squadron illustrates the way some people view the impact they will have in their world. They have low expectations and ask, “In the long run what difference will I make in the world anyway?” Their view is that they will not make a lasting influence, so why try. On the other hand, there are those who will have higher aspirations and expectations. They will ask the same question, but they will strive for a greater impact and will live desiring to be agents of change that will make an impact. We all have influence. As Mike Myatt states, “Anyone can create moments of influence, but creating lasting influence is where your sights should be set.” People who strive to have a lasting influence will be legacy builders. They are not satisfied with the status quo and by being preoccupied with things that will not matter. They live for purposes beyond themselves.

            To live such a life there are at least three ingredients to help us do so. First, invest your life wisely. Jesus told his followers in Matthew 6:19-20, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” Too often we are spending all our time and energy investing in the temporal and not the eternal. The temporal is easily removable just as a radar station can be removed from a mountain despite all the investment that was made.

            Second, live your life carefully. The Apostle Paul realized that a life can be fully invested and yet end up poorly. He writes in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 that a person who will have a lasting influence must live in such a way that their life does not end up being disqualified and therefore wasted in the end. Recent history in our nation provides numerous examples of people who expended vast sums of wealth and energy to be or do something only to end up a sordid joke because of living distorted lives. There are multiple examples too of Bible characters that started out well, but destroyed the impact they might have had through careless living. An author reports a study by Dr. J. Robertson Clinton, of Fuller Seminary, who “found that only one out of three biblical leaders maintained a dynamic faith that enabled them to avoid abusing their power or doing something harmful to themselves or others. Only one in three finished well.”

            Third, live your life serving selflessly. When the Apostle Paul describes how life is to be lived as a Christian in Romans 12:9-21, he describes a winsome life. Such a life is marked by selflessly looking at ways to love and serve other people. Living such a life leaves a mark in the world. Think of people who have had a positive and lasting influence in our world’s history. How often you see in them qualities that give “flesh” to verse 10, “Honor one another above yourselves.”

            I suppose one could say we will all be a person of influence. Will that influence be a good or a poor one? Will that influence be a lasting one or a passing one? Christ expects his followers to be agents of change in a world than desperately needs positive influences. Thus he says His followers should be light and salt in the world (see Matthew 5:13-14). Make it your goal to be more than a temporary influence in the world in which God has placed you. Our world desperately needs people who will leave positive lasting legacies!