Time to Restart

We are now a month into the new year and many of the well-intended resolutions have already bit the dust. New Year’s celebrations consuming mouthwatering snacks, and the left-over holiday sweet treats, when coupled with binge watching football games, has left our dietary intentions in shambles. Eating healthy is but a mirage. Losing pounds we acquired this past year is but a figment of our imagination. In fact, it seems our girth has grown! The exercise program we envisioned remains in the planning stages. We only have gotten as far as buying the exercise clothes, Googled exercise programs, and collected excuses as to why we should wait for more appropriate weather to start this process.

     U.S. News & World Report reported some disappointing findings about resolutions. They revealed, “By the second week of February, some 80 percent of those resolutioners are back home with a new kind of remorse staring back at them in the mirror — the remorse of disappointment.” Great expectations embedded in our resolutions often only yield great exasperations! There are certainly many reasons for this happening. Psychology Today suggests that there are some contributing factors to this lack of success. They propose that there are “… four common ways you are standing in the way of your success… Your goals aren’t clear… You feel overwhelmed. You feel discouraged… You’re not ready to change.” It appears there are more barriers blocking our resolutions than there are bridges to our success.

     With this disappointing news it probably comes as no surprise that many have determined such intentions are futile and simply say, “Why bother?” On one website (discoverhappyhabits.com) they share a plethora of statistics concerning resolutions that they amass and update from year to year. They reported that only “31% of survey participants plan on making resolutions for 2021 while 19% are still undecided.” It appears that a majority of people have concluded, “Why create undue frustration? I’ll just forgo this whole process.” In that same website they discovered that about “one in 10 people who failed said they made too many resolutions.” In essence they spread themselves too thin. They tried to address all the issues needing to be tackled. Their divided attention was such a distraction that they failed in their goals.

     One biblical character who I admire is the Apostle Paul. He had a healthy way to look at life and this enabled him to accomplish much. He was a preacher, a church planter, a theologian, a disciple maker, a defender of the Christian faith before the secular world, an encourager and exhorter of people, and a traveler throughout the Roman world. He expended tremendous energy and effort (2 Corinthians 11:23-28) to carry out the mission he believed he was given by Jesus Christ. In Philippians 3:12-14 he shared the philosophy energizing his life. While he did many things, he was single focused “this one thing I do.”

     How did he carry out that single focus? First, he did not see himself as having arrived. He knew he had lots of growing to do to be all that God wanted him to be. Too often a person thinks so highly of themselves that they do not consider that there is room for improvement. Such an individual will be slow to make changes, if they are even willing to make them at all.

     Second, he did not focus on his past failures or successes. When our focus is on failures of the past we can be weighed down in discouragement. Focusing upon successes may cause one to think there is no more to accomplish. Paul focused ahead and envisioned how God might work in him. Such a forward-looking vision keeps one seeing the future as the place of potential as one moves ahead.

     Third, he realized that energy must be merged with vision for the future. He says he was “straining forward to what lies ahead.” Too often great intentions die because energy and effort are not propelling us in the direction we believe we need to go. I remember watching the salmon in Alaska expending great effort to swim upstream in the mighty current of the Copper River to their spawning grounds. They were motivated to lay their eggs and produce the next generation of salmon. If I saw a salmon floating downstream with the current, I knew it was dead. It takes a live fish to swim against the current. Any dead fish can simply go with the flow. People can learn a powerful lesson from those salmon!

     Paul also shared he was pressing “on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” He knew that he was living life not for himself but for God. Living for something bigger than ourselves is a great motivator in our resolve to accomplish great things.

     Perhaps we need a restart in the new year. Resolve to learn from the words of the Apostle Paul and do the one thing that needs to be done to see your life transformed to impact the world around you.             

Moving Into a New Year

The prognosticators in our culture normally line up in the late Fall of the year to tell people what they think is going to happen in the coming year. These individuals are very free with their opinions, and they think their conclusions are valid as far as their research has led them to believe. It appears that there is nothing about which some social soothsayer has issued as a prediction. Is there hope for our shaky world’s economy? Relax. The Wall Street Journal (12-08-21) issued their prediction, “Expect to see easing inflation alongside somewhat slow growth in gross domestic product.” Then they clarified, “These forecasts were provided before the Omicron variant was discovered in late November, which stirred up volatility across global markets.” Opps! Will the scourge of the Covid-19 virus be conquered this year? Assurances from The Economist announced their prediction that, “Covid-19 is likely to fade away in 2022” (11-8-21). Then came the Omicron variant. Opps!  

     Prognosticators unleash opinions on other issues like political parties successes or failures, prospects of military conflict, projected ecological catastrophes, and the potential collapse of the United States as a world power.  If you can think of an issue that might occur in 2022, you might find some individual or group that will be giving their prediction. Then again, there are the outliers that look at all these predictions and suggest as Jennifer Rubin does in an opinion piece in the Washington Post, “Put away the crystal balls. 2022 is a big question mark.”

     Perhaps it is human nature to want to know about the details of the future and if possible, to seek to control the upcoming realities. It is as if we want insider information on life so that we can manipulate the outcomes of our existence. James in his epistle warns people of the folly of thinking they have the future figured out and can therefore control it. He reminds his readers and us, “Look here, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.’ How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?” (James 4:13-14 NLT). James suggests a better approach. “What you ought to say is, ‘If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.’ Otherwise, you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil” (4:15-16). Does the Bible suggest we should not plan? No. It teaches us to allow our plans to be submissive to God plans and purposes and to hold our plans in our hands rather loosely. How often does one become embittered when their outcomes are not fulfilled, even refusing to alter one’s course out of sheer stubbornness? No wonder there is not only tension with a sovereign God but also in relationships with people with whom we must relate.

     One who was considered the wisest of all men, King Solomon, wrote, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails” (Proverbs 19:21). Tragically later in Solomon’s life he refused to submit to God’s purposes, and was ruled by the plans, passions, and pursuits of his own design. His life is summarized in 1 Kings and reveals his tragic failure. “In Solomon’s old age, [his many wives and concubines] turned his heart to worship other gods instead of being completely faithful to the Lord his God… The Lord was very angry with Solomon, for his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. He had warned Solomon specifically about worshiping other gods, but Solomon did not listen to the Lord’s command” (11:4, 9-10). God had forecasted the future Solomon could have had, but he refused to release control of his life to God and held tightly to his plans for his life. When our plans collide with God’s – things do not come out well for us. Solomon knew this and yet tried to have his plans prevail over God’s.

     So how do we walk into 2022? Are we doomed to fatalistic uncertainty? Perhaps it would be better to look at certainties we can embrace and set aside crystal balls of humanities’ best guesses. A better alternative is to hold on to the assurances God’s Word gives us. First, God loves us (John 3:16). Second, God is powerful (Romans 8:35-39). Third, God is faithful (Lamentations 3:22-23). Fourth, God is merciful and gracious (Ephesians 2:4-5). These assurances are the things we need as we walk into the uncertain would of 2022.

     Has there ever been a person who lived like this? The biblical record reveals such a man named Abraham. “It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going” (Hebrews 11:8 NLT). Abraham was walking not just into a new year but into a new life. The key ingredient was to trust the one who was leading him into the unknown. That is the best advice we can follow as we head into a new year. May you have a wonderful new year filled with faith and not fear-filled uncertainty!  

Thanksgiving Attitude Change

The supply chain has become the Grinch that stole Christmas, if you believe the marketing moguls of our consumeristic infused culture. Mass media has issued warnings that Christmas is all but ruined as our expectations and desires are captured in shipping containers at seaports along our nation’s coastlines or in the trailers of eighteen wheelers motoring down our nation’s highways. Media like the New York Times issued the warning, “Those Gifts You Want for the Holidays? Don’t Wait Too Long.” Another piece boldly announces, “Christmas 2021 is already ruined.” The author suggests five possible factors contributing to this “holiday hysteria” surrounding people’s lives (msn.com/en-us/news) including supply-chain problems, President Biden, vaccine mandates, Dr. Anthony Fauci, and climate change. Perhaps you would declare other candidates! Incidentally, if these things could ruin your Christmas, then perhaps it is time to develop a better perspective about this holiday.

Perspectives impact the way one views and responds to life. On November 3, 1992, I left the USA for Zaporozhe, Ukraine, via Moscow and Kiev. That day somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean President Bill Clinton of Arkansas defeated incumbent President George H. W. Bush. My traveling partner and I had voted, boarded our flight, and left behind us our very divided, grumbling nation. We landed to discover we had a new president back home.  In Moscow we encountered the vestiges of the USSR and a people that had a multitude of legitimate gripes. The situation in this shattered region after the dissolution of the USSR on December 8, 1991, was even more chaotic politically, socially, and economically than we could have imagined. Additionally, Ukraine had also become an independent state at this time. We were traveling to a Baptist church in Zaporozhe, Ukraine, with whom we had developed a sister church relationship earlier in 1991. When our church became aware of the desperate conditions in our sister church and their city, tractor trailers of humanitarian aid was gathered and shipped from our church to provide for some of their basic human necessities. Our two 12-hour train trips from Moscow and Kiev began the process of perspective adjustment as we saw firsthand the collapse of a nation and the chaos that ensued.

Issues we had thought so horrible in the USA began to pale in comparison to what we saw and experienced. A socialistic communistic empire was in ruins. Much of the infrastructure was broken. Rolling blackouts were the norm in the city of Moscow. Transportation was both obsolete and inadequate. People were selling their personal possessions on the street corners hoping to acquire a few rubles or to barter for necessities. Conditions were worse as we went further east. In newly established Ukraine the chaos was amplified. In Zaporozhe, Ukraine, the shortages were extreme as food, fuel, and medicine were in short supply. Bartering was the norm as currency was all but worthless. One evening I walked in the darkened city where streetlights were inoperable. Our only illumination were the trash fires around which people huddled begging for their survival. Tears came to my eyes. I began to process the ingratitude lodged in my heart that had numbed me to the needs of this corner of the world once viewed by me as the evil empire. Blessed by God beyond measure back home, yet I grumbled about politics, complained about the cost of things, and moaned and lusted over possessions I craved. Perspective was adjusted in those moments as tears and melted snow ran down my face and my heart was convicted of my ungrateful spirit. A new attitude prodded me to do more to actively address the inhumanity I saw in the world.

I returned to the USA just a few days before Thanksgiving. I worshiped freely on Thanksgiving Eve with fellow Christians. This privilege of gathering had been restricted for seventy years in the former USSR. The Ukrainians cherished and enjoyed the privilege they now had to worship. On Thanksgiving Day, I sat in a warm house. I feasted at a banquet-like table laden with an abundance of foods that would literally take days to eat – and likely the leftovers would become a source of grumbling days later. In Ukraine people may have some thin borsch soup and plain dark bread if they were fortunate. My perspective again was altered. My thanks was now heart-felt and not programed gratitude. My eyes saw beyond my immediate world, and I recalled the world of others. My perspective was being translated into action. Genuine empathy is only productive when that emotion is transformed into action. In the Bible the Apostle John summarizes that thought this way, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth” (1 John 3:16-18).

I had an attitude adjustment that November 1992. Do I need another one? It does not require a trip to some needy area of the world. It requires a heart adjusted to see the needs of the world, both in this nation and the nations around us. This Thanksgiving may we take time to consider the many needs of others and reach out to meet them.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with genuine gratitude and generosity toward others.     

Is it All TikTok’s Fault?

TikTok has become Mischief Night on steroids. For those of another era, you may recall in your fuzzy past that the night before Halloween was designated in many regions as Mischief Night. It was a night of pranks, tricks, and assorted acts of mischief carried out in local neighborhoods. Depending on the geographic regions where one lived according to Wikipedia the night carried other names like "Devil's Night", "Goosey Night", "Moving Night", and “Cabbage Night”, among others. As time went on the pranks degenerated into major violence and vandalism. The night has become a nightmare for cities like Detroit and New Orleans where arson and vandalism have required a major police presence and often prove dangerous to innocent bystanders with damage and loss of property.

     Now technology has provided a means for Mischief Night to exist throughout the year. A person can take a challenge, video it, post it, and possibly implant an idea in gullible minds where a destructive or dangerous challenge can be replicated. Some deludedly may think, “Who needs to pull a prank on the night before Halloween? We can do it now anytime and even get a following!” Most recently schools have been the target of mischievous pranks and vandalism associated with TikTok without consideration of the price to the prankster or the public. Police recently arrested four persons in connection with vandalism causing more than $10,000 damage to Littlestown Area School District school buses. Officials believe this was tied to a challenge on the TikTok social media application in which participants are dared to damage school property and then post it (Charles Thompson @pennlive.com 10.07.21). Certainly, social media can be used for good but also for evil. The medium itself is neutral until it is used by an individual to accomplish a specific purpose – good or evil.

     The problem is so prevalent with this social media format that Connecticut’s Attorney General, William Tong, posted on Twitter that TikTok Inc. Chief Executive, Chew Shou Zi, should visit Connecticut. He wrote, “I respectfully request that you come to Connecticut to meet parents, educators and myself to hear firsthand the impact your business has had on our communities, and to share with us what more you will do to protect our youth” (Bloomberg News 10.04.21). Indeed, there is a problem, but it goes beyond technology and social media.

     The root problem is a heart issue not a technology issue. The Prophet Jeremiah describes the people of his day this way, “Judah’s sin is engraved with an iron tool, inscribed with a flint point, on the tablets of their hearts” (17:1). The Lord adds the result, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.

Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve” (17:9-10). What is the result of a deceitful heart? Jesus says it succinctly, “But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person” (Matthew 15:18-20). TikTok does not dream up one’s mischief. A deceitful heart dreams them up and the social media simply displays that which has been concocted in that evil heart.

     C. S. Lewis in his book The Problem of Pain observes, “A recovery of the old sense of sin is essential to Christianity. Christ takes it for granted that men are bad. Until we really feel this assumption of His to be true, though, we are part of the world He came to save.” Too often people like to blame our thoughts and conduct on things other than ourselves. On occasion we look at an evil act we produce as a mystery saying, “Where did that come from?” The honest answer is that the evil act came from an evil heart. The reality is that our deeds simply display who we are. Our deeds do not make us who we are.

     Is there any hope for a person who has a deceitful heart? King David wrote Psalm 51 after he was confronted about the sin of his deceitful heart that bred adultery, murder, and deception. He saw the way of recovery in a restored relationship with God. He wrote, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (51:1-3,7,10). He trusted God to restore his evil heart.

     Don’t blame TikTok for who we are. Take responsibility for who you are and let God change you.

Careful with Criticism

Criticism is so rampant in our culture that the accumulated editorial pages of newspapers, posts on blogs or Facebook, exposés published in new books, personal gossip and gripe sessions cannot contain them all. We are a culture characterized by criticism. It is destroying relationships, paralyzing productive discussions, and dividing social institutions necessary in a civilized society. Almost anything that can be imagined is subject to scathing criticism and far from being judged as constructive. Perhaps criticism is the fallout of living in this stress filled culture. Tyler Edwards observes, “There’s something about complaining that makes us feel better. We are kind of like teapots, releasing our stream of complaints to help us deal with the pressure and frustration of everyday life.” Indeed, most criticism indicates we are just letting off steam.

     Channing Pollock observes, “A critic is a legless man who teaches running.” The critic shouts at a wrong but does nothing to correct it. They scrutinize others only to discover a misstep which they can spotlight. Theodore Roosevelt wisely concluded, “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who does actually try to do the deed…who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” Critics are great flaw finders but often not as capable in engaging in productive solutions to rectify a problem. 

     An unknown sage concludes, “Criticism is the disapproval of people, not for having faults, but having faults different from your own.”  The greatest common denominator of humanity is the fact that we are all flawed and prone to fail at times. Could it be that humans chose to zero in on other’s failures to deflect the imperfections in their own lives?

     One must not become preoccupied and destroyed by criticism from others. “Don’t be distracted by criticism,” challenges Zig Zigler. “Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” The only critic to pay attention to is the one who observes a legitimate problem and offers constructive solutions to address the situation. Such a critic offers perspective. Abraham Lincoln wisely adds, “He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help.”

     There are many biblical characters who had to endure caustic critics. Moses marched through the wilderness for 40 years leading a nation of critics. They so discouraged him that at one point he told the Lord “these critics are killing me” (Numbers 11:11-15). Nehemiah was engaged in an assignment from the Lord that no one else was willing to address – rebuild the destroyed walls of Jerusalem. He was surrounded by cultural critics disparaging his efforts (Nehemiah 2:10, 19-20). He stayed focused and responded, “the God of heaven will help us succeed. We his servants will start rebuilding this wall.” The best way to answer the criticism of sidewalk supervisors is to stay at the task God has given you to do.

     The New Testament leaders had their share of critics too. The apostles of the early church were criticized in the way they were feeding the needy, possibly insinuating the apostles may be prejudice. The apostles wisely considered the criticism and devised an alternative plan. It is interesting that the critics saw a problem but did not offer to lift a finger to address it (Acts 6:1-7). Paul was criticized because he was not the greatest orator. Yet he was willing to preach the good news with boldness and even suffer for doing so. Meanwhile others were content to be speech critics (2 Corinthians 11). Too often such critics only discourage. Mark Twain warns critics, “If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it.” One must be careful to not give too much attention to critics. Learn from the experience but stay on the course you believe you have been assigned.

     Is there a place for constructive criticism? Certainly. However, let that be like the criticism Frank A. Clark describes. “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” If you have received criticism lately, be careful how you view it. Winston Churchill, who frequently dealt with critics said, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”

     The general principle to guide our criticism could be, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Galatians 4:29). Perhaps we should ask, “What I am about to say, post, or write – does it seek to build up or break down?” Would there be less criticism if this Scripture were considered before we speak?

The Race of Your Life

If you pass by athletic fields in the early morning of a hot and humid August day, you may hear a shrill whistle, sergeant-like instructions being barked, and grunts of agony from athletes doing sprints. Welcome to the dreaded preseason conditioning drills!

     Walking past a stadium early one morning last week I observed such a spectacle. My memory immediately flashed back to former days when conditioning was a possibility. Now to attempt such a feat would require a well-stocked emergency vehicle and lots of oxygen! As I watched the athletes go through their paces in the early morning mist, I seemed to be breathing faster, sweating more, craving water, and feeling my muscles cramp. Not all the memories of sport’s competition are pleasant!

     Why do these athletes voluntarily sign-up for such rigorous activities when they could join their contemporaries still lying in bed, dreaming about their morning Starbucks cappuccino, and looking forward to a relaxing day doing whatever they wanted? Why indeed? Very likely they are looking beyond the rigors of conditioning and anticipating the future days of competition in the sport they love. It is a dream of the future that propels them to endure the rigors of the present discomfort. I remember one coach telling a team, “You are not suffering for nothing. There is a game ahead that demands this preparation!” I also remember that I needed more than a pep talk on those August mornings – I needed water! The projection of the future did not diminish my present agonies.

     Much of life can be like this. Do you remember the pep talk from your mom, “Eat the broccoli; it will give you strong bones.” I would have loved to have been able to say to Mom, “George H. W. Bush never liked broccoli and still became the 41^st president of the United States. It didn’t look like he had bone problems either!” Or how about Dad’s, “The parttime job you have now will build character and will also look good on a future resume.” Do you really think skillful scooping skills at the ice cream shop will impress a patient that is about to have brain surgery at your hands? Or how about when your Algebra II teacher says, “Getting these principles down now will help you when you get into advanced math.” Seriously, did she consider my grades in Math? How likely was I to ever crack open a Math-related book after I finish this required course? You have the picture, don’t you? Granted, all life experience has some value. However, sometimes the prospects simply don’t placate the pain of present realities.

     The Apostle Paul frequently used sports analogies (at least 12 times) when he spoke about spiritual matters. One such passage is found in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. Here he speaks about future success that requires present investments. He states that an athlete competes to win a prize. He also indicates that such a desire requires preparation now for future accomplishments. There are at least five requirements he mentions. The person must be motivated – “run all.” So much in life can be lost because we do not follow-through on our initial desire and quit. He also highlights that a person must be engaged – “run in such a way that you may obtain it.” Effort in life propels a person past dreams and into reality. Recently many Olympic athletes have talked about the sacrifices they have made not just to be in the games but to win. They wanted to do more than participate. They were there for the gold.

     Paul adds that a key requirement in successful competition is to do so unhindered – “he is temperate (self-controlled) in all things.” This carries the idea of a willingness to put off anything that could hurt the chance of success – even if that thing is a strong desire. How many wrestlers forego the Thanksgiving gorge-fest so they can make weight as the season starts in a few days? Another requirement is to be focused – “run not with uncertainty… beating the air.” During a season an athlete can easily get sidetracked from their goal if they are not careful. How many athletes allow trash talk from an opponent to get into their heads and become an annoying distraction? Paul lastly talks about being disciplined – “I discipline my body and bring it into subjection.” This carries the ideas of enduring hardships and annoyances even in our physical life so that one does not become disqualified in the athletic competition they seek to win. How tragic it is to hear of a Olympic competitor who is forced to drop out of their sport due to a failure to adhere to the rules.  

     It is true that life is bigger than athletic accomplishments. But there are some lessons we can learn from the athletic competition that can caution us in our daily lives. So how is your preparation for the race of your life? You may want to consider the advice the Apostle Paul shares.

Fractured Forgiveness

Have you ever suffered a painful and unjust experience at the hand of another that causes you sorrow, anger, resentment, and other emotional responses? Perhaps we all have and feel that those responses are justified considering the impact the event has had in our lives. It is possible we have uttered statements like, “I can never forgive them.” Or if we are feeling somewhat magnanimous, we might say, “I will forgive them, but I will never forget what they have done to me.” Perhaps when those statements are challenged by someone, we may justify ourselves by saying, “What do you expect? I’m only human!”

     Sadly, the world around us seems to prize resentment and nods approval when we harbor fractured forgiveness. Years ago, I was attacked and stabbed in the back during the racial tensions of 1967. At the time, I was doing a good thing as I escorted three coeds back to a college campus. I did nothing to insight or merit the attack. The comments screamed at me clearly reflected racial prejudice. It was a near death experience that left me not only wounded physically but traumatized emotionally – a trauma that lasted for years and even has some laten impacts now decades later. Well-meaning friends affirmed my emotional responses where I clearly was not only resentful but developed a hate-filled attitude toward those who had attacked me. I said the appropriate words, “I forgive them.” Deeply embedded in my heart however was a seed of hatred that I watered at times with resentment, anger, and wishing I could somehow get back at those who had wronged me. The events of that October night replayed over and over in my mind as I rehearsed the attack and imagined a different outcome. I wanted the offenders to pay a price for my pain that I remembered, embraced, and nurtured over the years. I was not healing; I was harboring what I needed to let go.

     While I practiced fractured forgiveness that damaged me, those who caused my pain where not impacted. I had, as Chuck Swindoll observed, “erected a monument of spite” in my mind. That monument only stoked resentment and acted as an anchor that kept my emotions submerged in a dark place where the light of healthy forgiveness was unable to shine. God graciously caused me to realize decades later the folly of that fractured forgiveness. One night after a reoccurring nightmare again woke me with a racing heart and cold sweats, I began walking the floor of our darkened house and cried out to God for release. In that darkness a rush of clarity brought the words of Scripture to mind, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). I then asked myself a question, “How has the Lord forgiven me?” To that question another verse came to mind that recorded the words of Jesus as he hung on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). If I was to be healed from fractured forgiveness, I needed to forgive like Jesus. A commentator reminds me that on the cross “the silence is broken, not by the cry of anguish or sigh of passionate complaint, but by words of tenderest pity and intercession” (Ellicott's Commentary for English Readers). Jesus chose not to focus upon the pain and injustice he was enduring. He focused his love on the ones who inflicted the offenses. My prayer for release and emotional healing began that night.

     There have been many other times I have been metaphorically “stabbed in the back.” Now my response is not to “erect a monument of spite” toward the offender. I desire to manifest the words of One who forgiveness perfectly, “Father forgive them.” I do not develop some mental amnesia that ignores, denies, or casually dismisses a hurtful event. I aim to nurture a proper attitude that promotes emotional healing for me in the hard times. In doing so, hopefully, this creates an environment where one who is an adversary can be transformed by a loving response. 

     I am reminded of the words of Amy Carmichael, “If I say, ‘Yes, I forgive, but cannot forget,’ as though the God, who twice a day washes all the sands on the shores of all the world, could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of Calvary love.” Forgiveness must not just be approached naturally; it must be approached supernaturally. We must not harbor hurt and hatred. We must be healed and restored by the gracious work of God in our lives.