What a treasure

June 6th is the anniversary of D-day when 160,000 Allied troops landed in Normandy, France, in 1944. The invasion, involving five separate landings by American, British, and Canadian troops, was designed to develop a beachhead to prepare for the invasion of Germany. D-Day was a momentous day that changed the course of World War II, and in many respects modern history.

June 6th is another anniversary. This one took place in 1970 when a young couple fresh out of Bible College, Bob and Doris, entered into a marriage commitment and a life-long relationship. The commitment was attached to unconditional vows that had only one escape clause, “Until death do us part.” One of my “friends” shared at our wedding that it was an appropriate day for our wedding in view of the anniversary of D-Day. I guess he was implying, “Let the battles begin!” Actually, he may have more accurate than he was humorous.

Some who enter marriage have unrealistic expectations concerning marriage thinking it is a bed of roses. To those with that delusion, I remind them that the stem of the rose has more thorns that can cause pain than flowers that can bring pleasure. Some couples never expect that there will be battles to face and victories to be won in a marriage. Doris and I have engaged in the battles, and God in His grace and power has allowed us to enjoy many victories (sometimes repeatedly in the same areas!). However, the battles are never over as long as two sinners saved by grace live in close proximity to one another.

Someone said, “I have seen the enemy and it is us.” In marriage, this is often where the most intense battles are fought – in me. One battle I have fought is selfishness. The tendency for people, even believers who are married, is to want to have things the way we want them and to have people see things like we see them. The way to have victory in this battle is a large dose of Philippians 2:3-4 – a commitment to “other-interest” rather than “self-interest.” Thank God He is available to give me the grace at times to get my eyes off myself. This needs to be my daily goal.

Another battle that has been fought has to do with the maintenance of my love. Love is more than a feeling. Love is something I need to do and maintain (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Even the best intentioned love can grow casual and we can “leave our first love” (Revelation 2:4) and allow it to become “lukewarm” (Revelation 3:16). Love in marriage has to be worked at as we aspire to love our wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). I have too often been carelessly preoccupied with other things so that my love has been less than it should be. If I am fervent in my love, my marriage benefits as “love will cover a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). When love is fervent in my marriage, I develop a better perspective and don’t focus on the small stuff.

The biggest battle in my marriage is for me to be under the control of the Spirit and not the flesh (see Galatians 5:16-26). When my walk with God is what it should be, my whole life, and especially my marriage, is impacted. When the Spirit is given the freedom to produce His fruit in me (5:22-23), my marriage is blessed. When I allow my sinful nature to dominate, I am asking for marriage problems. I daily need to remind myself to allow the Spirit to control my life.

I thank God for Doris, who has been faithful to her commitment these forty years, even when (as hard as it is to believe – right?) I have been difficult to live with. She has been and is a treasure to me. I thank God she never left the battlefronts that have cropped up in our marriage from time to time. I am so thankful that I am going away to celebrate D-Day for two weeks. By the way – for me D-Day means Doris-Day!